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I miss Lynn.
I wonder how she is.

Sad, lonely? Happy, hyper? Hurt, angry, frustrated?

I guess, but I also guess I'll never know.

Lynn, if you read this....
How are you?

Such a simple question, but it's hard to answer honestly.

Like me for instance, I feel at this moment:
-screwed
-tired
-numb
-distracted
-worried
-dead

Once again, I'm laying off on writing articles for the newspaper and fulfilling my duties as CS editor. But, I feel so Whatever about everything.

My mom's been in and out of the hospital.
(It's okay. I can write this here, because technically, no one reads this remember?)
She went in over the weekend and came back a little sore on Monday. Now, she's going back in tomorrow morning.

They're giving her antibiotics now. But the weird and annoying and scary thing is that all the doctors at that UCLA hospital have no idea what it is. And they're just doing tests after tests, and pumping her full of antibiotics. I don't understand.

WHAT IS WRONG? Tell us, give us the medicine, and let her get better...Please.
She's going back in though. For sure.

I saw her eating once. She was so afraid of the pain of chewing that her hands were shaking as she lifted her spoon to her mouth.

That's the only real thing that makes me want to cry. So far.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO THINK OF THIS AS A BIG THING.
BECAUSE IT'S NOT.
And they're doing a biopsy anyway to see if it is, and it will not be cancer or whatever thing. It'll probably be something small and stupid, and I will probably feel stupid and relieved when we find out and she gets better.

Anyways...I guess it's okay. There's a bit of a cancer scare right now with this weird lymph node that's swelling up painfully into a hard ball on her face.

I don't really know how to react really. I feel worried, really worried.
But almost like, not worried.

Because I figure stuff like that doesn't happen to people that nothing really happens to.
I mean, I complain, but my life's normal. Really so.

Just an average, overachieving, overstressing Asian girl intent on college and stuff.

This stuff just doesn't happen to people. Not people like me.